Feelings

Feelings ~ we all have them. Sometimes they make us happy, sometimes they make us smile, sometimes they are full of pride, sometimes they are hurt.

I feel very deeply...about a lot of things.  I embrace my children's friends as if they were my own children. I am happy when things go well for them and sad when they don't.  I worry about them when they seem upset about something, and I am proud of them when they figure things out and do the right thing.

I worry when my children are having difficulties in their relationships with others.  I worry when they are away from me and hope they are doing okay and are safe.

I try to fix things when my children's feelings are hurt and try to make it all better, putting an emotional band-aid on their wounds.  Sometimes I can't fix it, and that is hard for me.  Sometimes all I can do is offer a hug and a listening ear.

I watch my children make mistakes, and it's hard, but I know that sometimes lessons will be learned more from them making the mistakes than from me telling them what's going to happen.  It's difficult to watch, but it's sometimes the only way they learn.

I worry when people I love are sick or hurting.  I take it all on very deeply and can withdraw into myself with concern, almost like a turtle brings its head into its shell.  Sometimes I think I'd like to be a turtle, pull my head inside my shell, and cry where no one can see me.

Then there are the days that there are proud moments, the days where a teacher has nothing but good things to say, the days my boss compliments me on a job well done, the days one of my children's friends tells me they love my pancakes, the days that someone tells me I look good. 

Those are the days I enjoy having feelings.  Sometimes I wish I didn't have feelings, wish I didn't feel things so deeply or let things bother me.  I envy those people who can "go with the flow" or "roll with the punches".  Sometimes I can do that, but not really...those are just the days that I try unsuccessfully to push the feelings to the back burner and not let them show. 

All in all, I feel glad that I have feelings, that I feel things, even that I cry at commercials, because it means I have heart.  Things matter to me whether good or bad, things make me feel alive and happy, make me feel sad and worried.  I think the problem comes when people don't feel, when they don't care about things, and when things don't cause them to think, to feel proud or even to feel sad. When you stop feeling, you stop caring and you become self-absorbed, only caring about yourself and not how your actions or words make others feel.  So feel...feel deeply...smile at someone, pay someone a compliment, offer a hug or a helping hand...just feel.