Friday, February 24, 2012

Letters I'll Never Send

Every so often something touches me so deeply that I find myself composing a letter in my head. Some of these letters are complimentary, some are critical and others are just things I would like to say to those I am unable to say them to, for various reasons.

Today I found myself composing many letters as I drove home in the rain...

Dear Prima Donna Tailgater in the Lexus SUV:  Is it really necessary to be that close to everyone you drive behind?  Is there some emergency or are you late for a mani/pedi?  You actually had me trying to remember what was in the back of my van that could become ruined if I slammed on my brakes and allowed you to rear end me and pay for repairs to my van and massages for me 3 times a week?  Be thankful the kids' trombone was back there.

Dear WXLO, 104.1 and Kiss 108:  I listen to the radio from approximately 8:15 - 9:30 AM and from 2 - 3:15 PM Monday through Friday.  Yes, I am a channel surfer.  Would it be possible for all of you to refrain from playing Adele songs or "Moves Like Jagger" during that timeframe or at least from all playing them at the same time?  I might like those songs more if you played them less. Thank you.

Dear Grandmas Rahn and Tilleman:  I miss you.  You would love my children, and they would have loved you.  I'm sad that you weren't able to know each other.

Dear Mrs. Raymond:  You were mean, and I still think it's funny that my sisters and I dragged the big tree branch across the street so you would have to move it before you could go to work.  Were you late that day?  P.S. You were also lame to rat us out.

Dear Mel:  I miss your beautiful self, your smile, your laugh, your outward beauty and most especially your inward beauty and our talks.  You will forever be remembered and loved by so many.  P.S.  Remember the hockey fight?  And Arty and Martha's Jack and Jill?

To my Girls from Worcester:  I honestly believe that Boston Billiards,  Rack 'n Rhythm and ShBooms went out of business because we grew up.

Dear Murdock High School:  Remember that year when a large number of seniors failed English and had to each pay $300 for a summer packet they needed to pass to get their diplomas?  Well, while the students are also to blame, rumor has it that their teacher wasn't properly certified to be teaching that particular class.  I kinda feel that you should split the summer packet bill with us.  I'll be watching the mail for my check.  Please include extra for pain and suffering, mine, not my child's.

Dear Eddy:  Thank you for volunteering your time and helping out with Winchendon Pop Warner.  You have no siblings or parents associated with the organization, yet because you enjoy the game of football, you gave up your time that you could have been hanging with your friends or working or chilling to help the youth in your town develop as football players.  Proud of you!

Dear Doctors:  When we as parents bring our sick children in to see you, it is because we have already tried the home remedies and feel that something is wrong that requires a diagnosis and a prescription.  When you tell us they have a "virus that has to run its course" and suggest the same over-the-counter medications, we leave there minus a co-pay and plus a sick child.  Could you make up some diagnosis, I don't know, maybe copaytakingitis?

Dear Police Officers:  I realize you are not all guilty of this, and maybe you can tell your friends (over coffee perhaps?) that it really isn't cool when you put your lights on so that you can speed or go through red lights or stop signs, and then once you're 10 feet through, you turn them off.  It's a slap in the face to those of us whose cars don't come equipped with the special blue lights that allow you to ignore traffic signals.

Dear Overweight People:  This may seem harsh, but it's been burning at me since my days of working retail at Lerner in the mall.  If you need to ask for a knit miniskirt in a size 18, you really shouldn't be wearing one.

Dear Mountain Dew:  Please bring back the commercials of the cool and fun-loving teens all hopping into the bed of a pick-up with their cooler heading off to the rope swings in the woods.  While I don't like your soda, I always thought those people looked like they were having a great time.

Dear Former Boss:  Thanks for firing me for not proofreading your work when I had no clue what you were trying to say in your big corporate lawyer language.  At the time I thought it was really unfair, but after getting past the fact that I had no job and lost my apartment and had myself and my child to support with no idea how, I ended up at a temp agency which placed me at a printing company doing a job in which I had no experience and a job I would have never applied for had I not been desperate.  That printing company was where I met my husband so thank you.  P.S.  Watch out, though, because if I ever see her, I am telling your wife that you eat the healthy lunches she makes for you for breakfast and then you go out for lunch with clients and bill them for a lunch meeting.

Dear Becky S.:  I'm sorry for fist-fighting you.  I've creeped on your FB wall, and you are very pretty now.

Dear Buzzkill Bob:  Please let your wife come out and play one of these days.  I miss my BFF.

Dear Drama: Thanks for the compliment on my eyes today.  It was such a refreshing change from your usual comments on my appearance.

Dear Gerardo's:  Your cannolis are Fabulous!  Keep up the good work. And nice sales technique telling me it was cheaper to get a 1/2 dozen than to order them individually. Right on 'cuz 6 individual ones would have been $7.50 but the 1/2 dozen price was only $7.25! Now that's a good deal!  P.S. you should put that on a coupon: order a 1/2 dozen and save 3%.

Dear Mom and Dad: Thanks for the great example you gave me and my siblings on a good marriage and good parenting.  You lead by example, and continue to do so as you face each day side by side, in good times and bad.  I love you.

Dear Dad:  Please continue to write Mom love notes at Christmas and Valentine's Day and her birthday. We girls like to read them and cry. 

Dear Debbi:  When you think of feetie pajamas or baby hamsters, do you remember when I put a baby hamster in your feetie pj's and superglued the zipper shut?  Do you think that's funny yet?  If not, sorry I brought it up.  How about hypnotizing you in your sleep to say "I love George Handy" or "Choo choo" while wearing the train engineer hat?  No, not funny yet, ok, I'll give you some more time.  Maybe as much time as it will take my chipped tooth to heal after you hit me in the mouth with a clog.

Dear Cathi:  I still have the felt bookmark you made me that says "I am very sorry" in alphabet pasta letters.  It now says "I am ery sorry", but I have kept it all these years.  Thanks for being in the hospital with me when I had Jake and for understanding when I said I had back pain like John McCanus and for not getting mad when I threw the ice chips.

Dear David and Julie and Jake:  I will ONE DAY find out which one of you called me a whale at Myrtle Beach when I was 8 months pregnant.

Dear Dentist:  Thanks for saying that my wisdom teeth had to come out because my mouth wasn't large enough to support them (some people would be surprised to hear that I DON'T have a big mouth) and also for telling me that I would still be pretty after you fixed my tooth.

And last but not least, Dear Oncologist:  My Dad is very, very special and means alot to so many people.  He is a Dad, a Husband, a Grandpa, a Brother, an Uncle, a Friend, a Pastor and a spiritual mentor to many.  I know sometimes at work, we have off days where we kinda slack off and don't give 100%.  There should not be any of those slack-off days when my dad is scheduled to see you.  Please be reminded that my sister is a nurse at the same hospital where you work and that I work for a medical malpractice attorney.  These should not be considered threats but just informational tidbits so you can get to know all of us better.  We love Dad, take the best care of him and help him make the best decisions.  It is a privilege to know Dad, and we have let you into our circle of trust.  Take good care of him for us.  Thank you.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Thoughts About Mom - UPDATED by my children

Thoughts About Mom, as Answered by my Children

So yesterday, I posted a Facebook quiz where I posed questions to my children and posted their answers.  I have asked them the same questions today, and while some answers are the same, many are different.  I think the answers have grown, as they have, and their answers are more mature (well some of them).  Today my cherubs are 19 1/2, 11 1/2 and 9 1/2.  

Here are the questions and their answers:

1. What is something mom always says to you?
Allie:       Don’t care what other people say
Nathan:   Woot Woot
Jake:       no drinking right?

2. What makes mom happy?

Allie:      when her kids don’t fight
Nathan:   when children get along
Jake:       watching me play hockey

3. What makes mom sad?
Allie:       when the kids fight

Nathan:   when kids fight, and Jake doesn’t listen to her
Jake:        when I’m ill-mannered

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Allie:       when she tells me jokes or a funny story from the past 

Nathan:   with funny jokes that she tells me when she talks 
Jake:       by making corny jokes or trying to talk gangsta

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Allie:       she didn’t have sleepovers only once a month, and she had a huge space between her teeth

Nathan:   very good but sometimes would make fun of people and once wrote Debbi + the devil about my auntie and that was very bad
Jake:       a scholar

6. How old is your mom?
Allie:      40

Nathan:  that’s a question I don’t like to answer often, cuz you really want to enjoy life, but I think 41 or 42, cuz I remember one year she was 40
Jake:      39

7. How tall is your mom?
Allie:       I would say 10 feet

Nathan:   Well, I’m about 5’2” so I’m gonna guess about 5’9”
Jake:       5’ 6”

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Allie:       watch Dance Moms and Jerseylicious with her daughter, that’s me

Nathan:   spend time with the family or her friends, maybe even both
Jake:       spend time with her precious children

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Allie:      go on dates with my dad

Nathan:   I have no idea cuz I’m not around and cuz I never ask and I’m sorry for that
Jake:      crossword puzzles and cooks

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Allie:       being pretty
Nathan:   (laughs) let’s see…it’s either talk about family for comedy or for TV show, for example, like a TV show talking about your family or a comedy act cuz she’s really funny
Jake:      greatest mom ever

11. What is your mom really good at?
Allie:       singing

Nathan:   My mom is very good at taking care of her family
Jake:       cooking and helping her kids

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Allie:      knitting

Nathan:   I would say singing, but that would be offensive, so I would have to say, sorry to say this, but you’re not very good at trading your laptop with me
Jake:      nothing

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Allie:       something like a lawyer, I keep saying lawyer, cuz you say you are lots of times

Nathan:   she is like the 2nd lawyer, not really a lawyer, but does the lawyer’s work (this from the child who comes to work with me often)
Jake:      paralegal

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Allie:       whoopee pies

Nathan:   Combos and salad
Jake:       chicken broccoli alfredo

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Allie:       when she earns money from work and if she gets a promotion

Nathan:   how caring and loving she is and she really encourages me
Jake:       she’d do everything in the world and more just to make me happy

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Allie:       this is a hard one, can I skip it?

Nathan:   Socora (apparently this is a tough girl from Naruto who likes Soske, LOL)
Jake:       wonder woman?  hahaha

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Allie:       watch movies, lay down and have popcorn

Nathan:   many, many things
Jake:       laugh together at other people’s flaws

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Allie:       face, hair, both like Dance Moms and Jerseylicious and we both like Taylor Swift

Nathan:   hair, eyes, like to sleep in and stay up late, like hockey, both funny
Jake:       smart and funny

19. How are you and your mom different?
Allie:       She sings good, I sing bad, different eyes, she’s older, I’m younger and she always wears make-up and I don’t.

Nathan:   she likes salad, and she is addicted to Combos. I like video games, she likes sleeping, I also like sleeping but not as much. She has work, and I don’t but I want work instead of school. I have 2 lizards, she doesn’t, but she really does cuz she takes care of them. Ya, you get the point.
Jake:       she has kids?  Idk, lol

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Allie:       when I’m sad, she rocks me and tells me that I don’t have to be sad and tells me reasons why

Nathan:   just the bond
Jake:       she treats me so well

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Allie:       Myrtle Beach

Nathan:   casino
Jake:       Olive Garden

23. What frustrates your mom the most?
Allie:     when everyone isn’t listening to her and screaming and yelling and fighting 

Nathan:  when kids don’t listen, for example when Jake leaves and she says he can’t
Jake:      insubordination

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Thoughts About Mom, as Answered by my Children

Back in March 2009, when I was new to Facebook, there were some quizzes going around.  My favorite one was one where you posed questions to your children and posted their answers.  This still makes me laugh, almost 3 years after the fact.  Keep in mind the ages of my children at the time of this quiz: Jake was 16 1/2 and in high school, which was not his favorite place to be; Nathan was 8 1/2 and Allie was the young age of 6 1/2.

Here are the questions and their answers:

1. What is something mom always says to you?
Allie:       I love you
Nathan:   I love you too
Jake:      How was school?

2. What makes mom happy?

Allie:       kids listening
Nathan:   when her children listen
Jake:      good grades

3. What makes mom sad?
Allie:       people disobeying her

Nathan:   when her children don't listen
Jake:       when I don't do my work

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Allie:        tickling me

Nathan:    tickling me
Jake:       when she falls

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Allie:       I don't know

Nathan:   ooooh, that's a hard one...I'm thinking...played with her other sisters?
Jake:      very pious

6. How old is your mom?
Allie:       30 (she's my favorite!)

Nathan:   36
Jake:      36

7. How tall is your mom?
Allie:       tall

Nathan:   2 feet and 36 inches
Jake:      5 feet 5 inches

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Allie:       play with me

Nathan:   I know it's not clean the house...doing her math puzzle book?
Jake:       spend time with her children

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Allie:       she just sits on the couch and watches TV

Nathan:   clean the house of course
Jake:      cleans

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Allie:       because she's beautiful (did I mention she's my favorite?)

Nathan:   for being the best jewelry seller
Jake:      rock band singing (this from the kid who kicked me out of his "band" b/c we didn't win a tour bus)

11. What is your mom really good at?
Allie:       Uno

Nathan:   cleaning the house and making food of course (of course LOL)
Jake:       cleaning

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Allie:       matching games

Nathan:   playing video games
Jake:      making me a grilled cheese sandwich

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Allie:       working

Nathan:   she gets calls and orders
Jake:      sells jewelry and answers phones at the law firm

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Allie:       big shells

Nathan:   spaghetti and meatballs
Jake:      I don't know (take me out to eat and find out)

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Allie:       I don't know

Nathan:   buying me video games
Jake:      she's smart

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Allie:       Tinkerbell

Nathan:   The Incredible Mom but not green
Jake:       I don't know, Miss Piggy?

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Allie:       watch TV

Nathan:   go to my hockey games
Jake:      drive around places and laugh at funny looking people (ya, we do, so what?  It's funny)

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Allie:       we have the same hair color

Nathan:   we both have blonde hair
Jake:      we have the same humor

19. How are you and your mom different?
Allie:       she's big and I'm little

Nathan:   She's a girl, I'm a boy; She has green eyes, I have blue eyes; She's tall, I'm little; She's married, I'm not
Jake:      She does her work

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Allie:       Because I'm her kid and because she loves kids

Nathan:   she lets me do different kinds of sports
Jake:      she tells me

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Allie:       Yellowstone Park

Nathan:   Florida
Jake:      Olive Garden

23. What frustrates your mom the most?
Allie:       kids not listening and when she says don't put on your snowpants and you do

Nathan:   when her kids don't listen
Jake:      misbehaving children

Friday, February 3, 2012

Fun Friday!

My co-worker and I like to celebrate Fun Friday, each and every Friday.  Fun Friday means wearing jeans to work, eating good stuff (which means bad stuff) all day, and smiling and laughing and just having a good time and not allowing anything or anyone to ruin it.

Today's Fun Friday started with me replacing my 2 front tires, something that I've been needing to do for weeks as my tires resemble those on a Big Wheel with no tread whatsoever.  The slightest bit of snow has me struggling to drive up even the smallest of inclines, so it was time.  So this morning I paid a visit to my friends at Tire Warehouse. They are my friends because between me and Jake, we should have reserved parking in one of their bays.  Instead of being down at having to spend money on tires, I put my best Fun Friday smile and attitude on and walked to the desk. First of all, I got to call my boss and say I'd be late, and going in late to work just starts Fun Friday off on the right foot right off the bat.  So as I got to the desk, I was armed with my receipts from former tire purchases in hopes of taking advantage of their wonderful warranty because in case I didn't mention, I am a frequent customer who replaces tires in much the same way that my oldest child replaces cell phones.  So I opened with, "I need to replace my 2 front tires, and I believe they are under warranty if you could check for me."  My Tire Warehouse friend checked the computer and found that I had purchased 2 tires there in 2011 to which I informed him I had also purchased 2 other tires at another time at the Worcester location and asked if that was coming up on the computer.  He smiled, thinking he was getting out of the warranty and said that Worcester's records don't show up on their computer.  "Well," I answered with a smile of my own, "it's a good thing I brought my receipt with me then," as I pulled my secret weapon out of my pocketbook.  Suddenly, now my tread is being measured on my 2 front tires, the mathematical formula is being put to use on my 2/32 worth of tread that is left.  (No lectures please, I KNOW I shouldn't have been driving on that but Big Wheels were always fun).  I was given $69.95 credit for each of my 2 front tires.  So even though I did have to spend money on something boring like tires, I look at it more as saving $140 ~ see, that is the Fun Friday attitude.

Fun Friday continued when I got to work and prepared my breakfast of chips 'n dip and sat down to log onto my computer.  My email contained a funny joke, my Facebook had a message from a friend I haven't talked to in awhile, I had a new friend request from a fellow hockey mom, I had another funny joke posting about how the Giants are going to win the Superbowl. Then an interruption...a potential new client called.  I talked to the client who also understood Fun Friday and thanked me for all my help with her questions.  As I hung up the phone, I noticed dip got on the phone so I opened the desk drawer for a napkin and saw the Swedish Fish that I had brought in earlier in the week and couldn't find.  A good Fun Friday find, for sure.  Then I decided to check the status of my tax refund which is scheduled to arrive next Friday.  Fun Friday then got kicked into overdrive as I saw that the refund was actually deposited into my account today!  So glad the IRS celebrates Fun Friday, too.

And now, as I finish my last chip, it's time to start our Fun Friday talks of what we are going to order for lunch. Fun Friday lunches are the best!  We ignore the places nearby where we get soups and salads from, we ignore the leftovers and sandwiches brought from home, and we splurge on calories and cost.  Last week's Fun Friday became a 2 hour field trip to Olive Garden so that will be hard to top, but I am sure we can figure out some special treat.

Enjoy your Fun Friday, and don't let any Debbie Downers or Buzzkill Bobs or Moody Marys take it away from you!